I'm Back From Where I was From...

Yes, I'm back and yes, I'm ready to get back at blogging. Questions are not needed because you will never ask questions, because you probably don't care. But I care, so I'm going to write it down. Just as I want to. You can leave now if you want.

I've been through lots of things lately.

When someone says that, they usually mean something bad. Well, for me it was good and bad.

Camp. It was bitter-sweet. I made some good friends there, had a great teacher and had fun writing and reading, even when I was forced to. There, I made friends who were like me, nerds who like sci-fi and love anime. Everyone there is free to be who they are because everyone there is a nerd. And that's great. Seriously, I love this group so much. I've never felt like part of a group who was true to themselves before and this time I have. Nerds and Geeks are really amazing people, who are sweet, funny, smart and overall a great example. I would consider them to be the kind of people who are great friends. And at camp, I met people who I would always remember. The girl who wears a cape to class everyday, the girl who thinks she's a dementor, the boy who programs and the girl who owns cockroaches. So many people! The cheerleader who is lovely in every way, the  girl who games! The girl with the awesome hat. Yeah, the boys didn't stand out as much but they were nice too.

My teacher was awesome too. He gave great advice while not making it boring, he gave us some good things to read, he asked us our opinion. Basically, a great teacher. I remember, the last day, we were watching a movie about quantum physics and then he burst into the room and shouts "This woman is crazy!". He pointed towards the screen at the lady talking. Let's just say that by the end of the day, we had called upon a 3,500 year old spirit warrior, accused a boy in our class to be possessed by a spirit and sent some spam mail that wasn't really spam but is was. Seriously, if that wasn't a great way of teaching, I don't know what is.

But the bad part, the prison after class.

You see, there were some issues.

They were mainly stealing and stuff, they also mentioned harassment but the counselors they were up in arms, accusing everyone of harassment and stealing. They were all upset. And they punished us. They threatened to cancel the dance (I personally don't care about this) and we couldn't walk alone anymore (I do care about this). One day we couldn't even go to activities, but it was alright since they forgave us that day and we could go back on our usual business. But seriously, I hated it. They were treating us like convicts, except convicts had at least an hour of freedom. Also, the paranoia of counselors sneaking into your rooms and watching you sleep. There was a rumor about this one counselor who would go around and knock on everybody's door to see if your sleeping since there were strict rules about going to bed. See, going around is kind of harsh already, what they were instructed to do was to go around an make sure the lights were off. But no. It gets worse. This person, if you didn't answer, would open your door with the master key and make sure you were asleep. So, yes, they watch you sleep. Seriously, I had nightmares about the all that week. I almost didn't want to go to sleep because I was so scared that someone would knock on our door then barge in.

I wouldn't say that I couldn't and wouldn't go back there again. But then again, jail had more freedom than that camp.

Camp... Wait, I Have To Go

Hello, my fellow people (who-probably don't exist). It's been awhile since I last blogged but I've been busy. With school. In the summer...

Pretty much, it's just camp. Except you have to go to classes and learn a whole year's worth of school in three weeks. Yeah, doesn't sound like much fun, huh? But it's... fun? Well, it's fun because of friends and my class has an awesome teacher. But the creeping faculty is just... meh.

Friends are awesome, everyone was amazingly nice and funny. No one was rude to anyone. We all took each other seriously but not too seriously and I like that. I feel comfortable here. But... here, I have to go... I'll tell you later.

My Words Of Wisdom

Fruit taste sweeter when eaten with a spoon.

Death

I say why, and I can't say how. But for some reason, I feel... sad. Lonely. Maybe unworthy. Even though I ran two miles today and worked on my summer homework for the first time this summer, I still feel cold. Like no one is out there for me. Isn't it strange. I suppose, I've been thinking a lot about death lately. Maybe that's why?

I don't consider myself Emo by any means. I don't cut, I don't have piercings. I don't wear dark clothes often. But somehow, I find myself thinking about death.

What's it like? Dying? How does it feel? Is it painless, or does one feel every second of it, until their heart stops beating. How does one spend the last seconds of their life? I always wonder. I would imagine that you would spend your last seconds reflecting on the life you had.  The good times and the bad. Maybe, it's like going towards a light, like what all those movies said. Or how about waking up in a winter wonderland. That woulds be pleasant.

Or what if it's darkness.

Pure, pitch black darkness where one is lost, cold, afraid. And for eternity, one spends time trying to search for the light, when there is none. What if, we all burn in hell. All, I mean by the normal day to day people who have not done anything wrong in the eyes of the society. What if, none of the normal people are spared. Then again, why would we deserve such punishment? What if there's nothing. We just die. What if there was no afterlife? What if we just rot away in our graves.

I don't know.

I won't know until I die and that won't happen any time soon. I don't plan on it happening any time soon.   ... gosh. I'm scaring myself. I should do that. But everything is a possibility. Nothing should be put down. I hope that there's a heaven out there. I hope I get there someday. But I can never cross out the possibilities. I should keep my mind wide open and listen, observe and wait until the day that I will finally know the answer. Someday...

Sorry, it's late...

It's late here, and I'm tired of doing nothing. Seriously. I did nothing today. All I did was write and watch Youtube videos on my forth of July. At least over the weekend, I went to a small town on the lake. It was lovely, full of people. My family and I went to the beach and were attacked by flies. I mean HUGE flies! About as big as a thumb. That really ruined the whole "beach" thing. Also, the water was freezing but the sun was hot. How is that possible? I thought that... well never mind.

It's not really worth it to post my day by day adventures in my extremely dull life. You probably don't care much. If, you're there even. Anyway, I think that I'll write a letter. A fake letter writing about a fake situation...

 Dear Ms. Lucretia Tenebaum, 


Lucretia, oh, how long it has been! Years! How long has it been since I last saw you, striding along through the fields, laughing? So young and bright back then! A lovely girl you were and I'm sure still are! Goodness! It has been many years, Lucretia, I'm am writing this letter to announce my arrival to your manor on the tenth of May. I hope you don't object, I really do miss you, old friend. I thought that it may be best for both of us, to see each other before you get married. 


Mr. Fairburn, he's quite a lucky man. I truly hope that he will admire you're golden blonde locks and sea blue eyes the way I used to. And your fair skin, you're beautiful features. I can only dream of being as lucky of a man. I have yet to find my bride,  but I know she is waiting for me out there. Maybe she's an American? Or.... I don't know. Maybe I be honest, Lucretia? But ever since I met you back when we were young. I always loved you. As I aged, I even intended to marry you. That was my dream, to watch you walking down the aisle in you're white dress. Well, now my dream has come true. Only in a different light.  



My confessions of love are useless for you are to be married in a matter of weeks. There will be no chance for you and I to ever be together. But, of all things, before you marry, I wanted to tell you my true feelings. Please, keep that in your heart. I will be with you my love in every way you could possibly need me. Though i may not be waiting at the  alter for you. I will always be your lover at heart. 


Please expect me in the coming weeks. 


Sincerely, 

Mr. Edwin Attenson  

Normality

Who decides what's "normal" and what isn't? I know, weird question. You are probably thinking, "The society, duh!"

Today, I think I had an epiphany. And I got it in the shower. Don't ask me how I even was thinking about normality in the shower, I just was. I think that, no, the society doesn't make up the rules as what is normal and what isn't. I think it's media.

Movies, plays, even commercials are trying to box the world, into what's normal and what isn't. Think about it. We see "normal people" all the time but are white houses and nice bedrooms and other stereotypes in movies. Freaky Friday was supposed to show off a normal family. Also, The family in The Uninvited are "normal" people other than Anna. But, let's admit that none of us live that way. You may... but not many people live in nice houses, drive expensive Volvos and do other things we see as normal. So what? We, the society, aren't normal?

I never considered myself normal. I had a autistic brother, a mother obsessed with college, and a father in the midst of his 10,000,000 attempt at weight loss. My home is in a nice neighborhood, near the city but we didn't always live there. Before, we lived in another state and kept moving around. We travel a lot and my dad is always in England working. Mom looks stressed and tired all the time, as if she's upset with something I did and my brother acts like a two year old even though he's three years older than me. I even find myself, thinking about life and death and I'm so moody, I'm always sacred of death and think of myself dying often. I alway think of my funeral when I'm sad because it cheers me up when I think of all the people who would cry. How they will all feel sorry for me. Does that make me Emo?

So as you can tell, I'm not normal. But then again, what is? Are you normal? Is normal good? Is normal the things we see in movies, t.v. shows and commercials what normal really is?  I don't know, but I hope I find out soon.

Confused With All This Nonsense

Maybe it would have been better for me, my writing part of myself, to stay completely oblivious to whatever was classified as science fiction and non-science fiction if that even makes any sense whatsoever. Because as soon as I open How To Write Science Fiction and Fantasy by Orson Scott Card, I'm bombarded in the very first chapter with his tale of hard work, loss and basically the story about how his story ,Tinker, didn't get published because it wasn't a science fiction. Now, I don't know the context  of the story for he does not elaborate about it. But what i do know is that it wasn't a science fiction because it didn't include aliens or whatever.

I don't believe I've mentioned this before but I was working on a story called Circuit, which is the tale of a girl named Analeigh, who's lost in this world and wants to save the people of The City, who live in this "dystopian" society. Let me note this right now, I don't plan on ever continuing this story for two reasons. One: Because there are no aliens in this story then there would be no, basic genre for the story therefore making completely worthless. Two: after reading The Giver and Feed and Fahrenheit 451, I figured the dystopian societies like the one in Circuit, were now commonplace and no longer had a special charm unless they contained the joyous display of child slaughter and/or had anything to do with love triangles and boys with bread. (If you read the story, you know what I'm talking about)

I may focus on point two some other time but for now, I would like to focus on point one.

According to Mr. Card here, the editor of this magazine decided not to publish his story because if was a fantasy, since there were super powers and the setting was extremely vague so the story could have taken place in medieval England. So, okay. I guess these are reasonable. But the one thing that struck me as just strange was that the editor didn't like how there was a lack of aliens.(Actually I should put it as "aliens" because we really don't know what "aliens" are. humans can be "aliens". In fact, humans are aliens. It's only a matter of perspective since an "alien" is a word to describe a creature different from what one creature is used to. So we are all "aliens" in an "alien's" eyes... or eye. "Alien" is only a matter of perspective. Just like height.) I will say, it wasn't really the editor's fault. The policy is the policy. But I find it odd. The Hunger Games have no "aliens". Feed has no "aliens". None of these Sci-Fi novels have "aliens" because  "aliens" are kind of cliched. So... I don't know. Since I don't know the full context of the story and this book was written considerably long ago, I can't really tell if what this says apply to me? Hmm. Well, I guess it doesn't matter anyways. I'm working on something else called A Place Promised In Our Early Days.

Advanced English Just May Be The Death of Me

Have you ever worked really hard for something then it ended up being something you weren't sure you wanted? I'm not talking about... begging your parents for.... a TV but they didn't care to get you cable so all you can watch is news and golf. But I mean actually working for something, like Advanced English. All yeah I worked hard for the chance to be above my peers and now, I'm not sure if I really want too. Maybe because they said I would probably be getting 80's from now on in English or maybe it's my mother's constant obsession with getting 100 in everything. Maybe both.

My mother is not the person to let their daughter just do what they want. Even in summer. Nope, she wants me to memorize 500 high level vocabulary words before September! She says ten a day wouldn't be so bad, but in reality, she's testing me on thirty words a day because she always wants to "Review". Ha! Review! Half of these words I know already! But the other half... well they're words like "ameliorate" and "stratagem". Okay, I do need practice. So what I'm going to do is write something using the words in front of me. (They're all A's by the way)

Dear Sir Edward J. Howard.


Sir, I am writing to inform you of your child's un-accpetable attitude towards me! It has come to my attention that this needs to be fixed as soon as possible! At first, let me tell you, I didn't see that would turn to be this bad. I only thought of it to be just part of growing up and becoming a lovely young woman. I simply thought it to be natural and she would grow out of this. Unfortunately I turn out wrong, and as her governess, I would like to see this taken care of as soon as possible so that I may be able to teach her with grace and persistence.  


I often find it hard to appease Anna's harsh in-articulate language and overall brazen attitude towards me.  Well, when she does find herself upset. Over these past years I have assessed the sudden, often shocking mood-swings of Anna D. Howard. After a series of test I have concluded: Anna Howard is often an amicable person who anyone would be comfortable approaching. Her stunning acuity of other's feelings often makes me feel as if I were and open book, ready to be read by Anna Howard. She is adept in the skill of affable manners, jokes and such other things that would be considered chivalrous in our modern society. She is amiable, un-apathetic towards other's feelings and could be see as the next person to ameliorate our down-hill running world.  But don't be fooled! She can be as harsh and as rude as any of us. I have often seen her spitting out bold comments, offensive comments even. She has been caught bullying and belittling a younger person in every way possible. And she has just been absolutely  horrendous in way I shall not even mention. These are ways that are better off forgotten. And it's strange. One minute she's a lovely girl bound to be successful in life and then the next minute, I think she ought to be either in prison of in an asylum! My, that girl! 


Please, sir, for the sake of your daughter and I. Please address this situation to her. If you are in need of more detailed information I would be happy to inform you. Thank you. 


Sincerely,
Ms. Perinella M. Bekket


Hmm, that was actually pretty good.

RPGs and What Makes Me Awed About 'Em

I don't own any RPG games. But I have seen people play them. And let me tell you, it looks really cool if you haven't seen someone play. I'm not going to tell you how I know of these things but here's the point. After seeing these things, I became instantly interested. The immersion in the game is just amazing and how they try to get people into the action and adventure of gaming.

If you don't know what and RPG it basically stands for Role Playing Game. It's not much really when it comes down to it... ok actually, it's ALOT! There's stores, and quest and just a whole bunch of other things. Some famous examples of RPGs are the Fallout franchise, the Final Fantasy franchise, Oblivion (I'm guessing the whole Elder Scrolls series is). Look, I do not game. It's expensive and just overall annoying sometimes but I still can't help but feel amazed by what developers can do. They can bring worlds to life! NPCs are now living. Well not living but you can interact with them. You can interact with objects like normal. As if you were there! Imagine, one day, maybe we'll be able to explore and live these worlds like our own. Slip on some goggles and we'll be in a whole 'nother world! When that happens (not "if", when) I will completely nerd out. Even if I never get the chance to acctually experience it for myself.

Nostalgia

It's kinda creepy when I think about it now, how my mind worked back then. Back when I was in... let's see, third grade. It's creepy because I seemed to have the same mind set about writing then as I do now. Back then, I wasn't just into writing, I thoroughly believe that I was destined to be the next J.K. Rowling or C.S. Lewis. I wrote and wrote and I grew cocky. I wrote some more and now, years later. I look back and I find my self laughing at how depth-less and just plain.... strange and stupid my stories were.

Somehow, miraculously even, I found my old notebook lying over my laptop just begging for me to read. As the curious person I am, I cracked it open to the first page. The first story.

If I found a time machine I would go back to the past to meet Ruth Becker. I would bring Maria. In Landon we hoped adored.  A girl taped maria's shoulder. "Hellow, my name is Ruth." "Hellow, this is Maria and I'm [Insert my name here]. Nice to meet you," The next marning we heard a knock. "Come in!" she said. "What's wrong with your voice?" I asked hesatanly. "The boat is sinking!!!" She screamed "To the boat!!! wrry!!!" We  didn't dare to change. We ran quickly up to deck. We all fall are. "OWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!" I scream. Rithpopped up. "Come on!" we waced ti the life boat. At the corner of my eye is saw the time machine. I graded Maria's arm. "AHHH" she screamed. "Com on I found the time machine. We sliped through the crow of people. we raced into the machine. f "home sweet home" I said panting. We left with a picture of Ruth Becker.


At first, the only thing that popped in my mind was: Who the heck  is Ruth Becker?

To my surprise my third grade self seemed to be fairly well read when it come to things having to do with the Titanic. I actually found that I was correct that Ruth Becker was on the Titanic and she was twelve when she boarded the Titanic as well, so she was young.  I was just amazed that I got that  right. How did I come to know about Ruth Becker? I have no idea. The next thing too. Who is Maria? I don't remember being friends with a Maria. I was friends with a Melissa and a Marissa but those are the only M's. This Maria person is still a mystery today.

I couldn't help but laugh at this too. My bad grammar and my spelling errors still reflect today but thanks to spell check, I don't have to wrry.

The Start of Something New... I... Think.

Okay, here's the thing. I'm not the person to finish something I started. Yeah, I know. It's not a very good habit to have and believe me, I'm trying to get rid of it. But, my problem is is that I just get bored of something too easily. I'll start something and I'll be all excited but then in the end, I never use it again unless it's graded or my friends have something to do with it like Wattpad or ... actually that's probably the only thing. No. It is the only thing. And I think that that is my worse vice.  Not Wattpad but NOT GETTING THINGS DONE! And I'm extremely peeved at myself for it.

But I hope to keep this working. This whole "Blog". Because for personal uses and just to practice writing essays about my own personal opinions. This really isn't... for you. I'm not expecting much feed back from you people. In fact, if you're reading this, give your self a pat on the back or a hug because you happen to stubble upon this for no reason whatsoever probably. So. Um. Good for you! I guess.