Death

I say why, and I can't say how. But for some reason, I feel... sad. Lonely. Maybe unworthy. Even though I ran two miles today and worked on my summer homework for the first time this summer, I still feel cold. Like no one is out there for me. Isn't it strange. I suppose, I've been thinking a lot about death lately. Maybe that's why?

I don't consider myself Emo by any means. I don't cut, I don't have piercings. I don't wear dark clothes often. But somehow, I find myself thinking about death.

What's it like? Dying? How does it feel? Is it painless, or does one feel every second of it, until their heart stops beating. How does one spend the last seconds of their life? I always wonder. I would imagine that you would spend your last seconds reflecting on the life you had.  The good times and the bad. Maybe, it's like going towards a light, like what all those movies said. Or how about waking up in a winter wonderland. That woulds be pleasant.

Or what if it's darkness.

Pure, pitch black darkness where one is lost, cold, afraid. And for eternity, one spends time trying to search for the light, when there is none. What if, we all burn in hell. All, I mean by the normal day to day people who have not done anything wrong in the eyes of the society. What if, none of the normal people are spared. Then again, why would we deserve such punishment? What if there's nothing. We just die. What if there was no afterlife? What if we just rot away in our graves.

I don't know.

I won't know until I die and that won't happen any time soon. I don't plan on it happening any time soon.   ... gosh. I'm scaring myself. I should do that. But everything is a possibility. Nothing should be put down. I hope that there's a heaven out there. I hope I get there someday. But I can never cross out the possibilities. I should keep my mind wide open and listen, observe and wait until the day that I will finally know the answer. Someday...